A Year Old

A year ago

I wouldn’t have known

the girl I see now

I could not have told you how

I did not know me

I was in my own self misery

I was in deep depression

In what I thought was oppression

I felt the world on my shoulders

I felt myself growing colder

I had to grow bolder

Or I would only sink lower

So I found myself in all the darkness

God led me out through His guidance

I waited and I prayed

I’m not a patient person but I stayed

Stayed determined and persistent

Till I could no longer see the old me in the distance

I learned to be my own rally

Like a cat coddled out of a dark alley

I began to emerge

The old me and the new me began to submerge

I found a new love

The person in the mirror was a person I could be proud of

I saw my weaknesses but I saw my strength

No matter how shaky my world was I would not faint

I went through therapy but that was not where the solution lied

It was in my own heart, my own very life

I had a maker who created me

And I was the one who was throwing away my dreams

But I had an epiphany

I was snapped back to reality

My nightmares transformed back into dreams

Everything was back as it should have seemed

I stood each day a little taller

The world could no longer make me feel smaller

I found my college, the place I will now call home

I now feel free, no longer entrapped under my own dome

I can be me, and now the new girl can show

But you see, we can never be new

I am me, that I can not lose

I still have my scars from the old me that was torn

But like a phoenix out of ashes, I have been reborn

-Rachel Hughey (01/04/2017)

My Best Friend’s Illness

Written: 10/25/2016

 

Never knowing when he might go

Panicking every time he is sick

Trying to not let it show

Looking for cures or even magic

It is all smiles then all pain

Taking pills every day

He is still sunshine in all the rain

I’m begging God to not take him away

I know one day it will come

He will leave my side

My life will come undone

For he was not supposed to die

There will be the ones who will say

At least he is not suffering

But they don’t understand the prayers I have prayed

They weren’t the ones watching

We say “till death do us part”

Thinking we are invincible

but forever will he remain in my heart

Life without him isn’t livable

For now, he is alive

And for that I praise

But I know one day he will die

And for that, I worry all my days.

 

 

 

 

 

Dying, He saved me

Nobody sees

Nobody knows

They just follow where the lies go

If only they knew

The demons that attack me

How I wish they knew

Who I want to be

I am a Child of The King

 

and I can’t take this earth

I’m tired of the judging

I’m glad of my rebirth

but where do I go from now?

Not only where but how???

I am but a small human

with a big heart.

God I need you

to bring me out of the dark.

I know I fail

I know I am weak

I know your love prevails

and You’re all I need.

Finally Free

Written on: 09/04/2015

Pain has agonized me all of these days

and now I am free

From confinement, I run away

I want to be me

I wanna laugh and smile

and not feel regret

It’s been a while

since I could relax and forget

Memories flood through  my mind

and sometimes makes me sad

It takes me back to a simpler time,

a time where I was glad

I use to run head first into everything;

nothing was holding me down

But now my ship is sinking

and there’s no anchor to be found

That’s at least what I thought,

but that was not the case

My soul has been bought

and I am safe.

I am not bound by my sins

I am free

I’ll never feel hell again

I have stronger forces with me

I am strong and humble

I have God on my side

 With Him I can not stumble

and for that I have pride

Distractions

Distractions to survive

Distractions to revive

Distractions to feel alive

Smoke, Drink, Blades

Continue until it all fades

A labyrinth of darkness

Ignorance is bliss

Prideful in fake happiness

Distractions to forget

Distractions to live

Distractions are met

Wild Child

She runs like the wind
and walks in the middle of the road
Everywhere she goes she leaves a huge dent
She doesn’t like to do what she’s told
She’s a rebel child with a wild side
But when you look at her you can’t help but smile
She loves long walks
and she loves long talks
But sometimes all she wants is silence,
to sit in the middle of nature and take it all in
She doesn’t smoke and she doesn’t drink
but she likes to say what she thinks
Sometimes her opinions are a little bit loud
and sometimes she’s a bit too proud
She realizes she’s human
She repents for her sin
But she still takes the world on each day
She still takes everyone’s breath away

She likes her nails painted black
and the skies painted red
She’s got something the world lacks
but she believes she’s nothing in her head
She’s innocent yet definitely wild
She’s got a soul of wisdom and the heart of a child
She is as stubborn as a mule
and she makes her own rules
She always likes to take the lead
and she’s tilling the earth and planting her seed
No one could ever come in her way
She turns the night into her day
She’s a queen and she knows she stumbles
She can be mean but yet so humble
She’s a contradiction
But everyone’s addiction
On the outside you would think that she is pretty mild
but looking underneath you would find a spirit that is quite wild.

So if you ever think you know this girl, you are so wrong.
She’s the anchor in the sea, the light house on the shore, the one who is so fragile yet so strong.

Rachel Hopes

Why?

I’m confused and broken again,
but why should I even try to mend?
I’ll just fall to the ground,
and there may not be enough of me found
to rejoin the broken pieces
I may be too shattered for the pain never ceases.
I am expected to be okay
but have you looked around lately?
Nothing is okay
and where am i suppose to run to safety?
My walls have been torn down to be rebuilt.
I have a broken heart and I need more shelter than my ribs.
The suffering never ends on this earth.
We were bound to sin since birth.
It doesn’t make any sense.
Why should I have to be broken again?
I’m tired of fixing myself.
Isn’t everyone else?
Why should we have to live this life?
We were born to evil and strife.
Just because one couple took an apple from a tree,
we have the chance of burning for eternity.
I love God, but these things I do not understand.
Why should I live in suffering because of the sin of one man and one woman?

Rachel Hopes

Love is Needed

Boys will be boys.
Girls will be girls.
Aren’t you tired of the stereotypes in this world?
White people are racist.
Black people will rob you.
Do  you think that all of this is true?
If you love Jesus, then you must be self righteous.
If you’re an atheist, then you must be heartless.
All of that is pure nonsense.

What ever happened to just loving your neighbor?
I didn’t know that love required standards.
People don’t want to have to do the labor
and then they ask why they’re prayers haven’t been answered.

Who cares if you don’t believe what I do?
Love is needed and we all know that is true.
There are kids dying and mothers crying
over their babies lying in the streets dead.
We are just sitting here complaining, always hating
while we are safe in our beds.
We’re letting differences come between us.
Where on earth is the love?
There are people out there that love has never touched
because we don’t care enough.
There are people being killed over such stupid stuff.
Nobody’s taking a stand over that but they’ll take a stand for equal love.
We’re so worried about our personal relationships.
We’re not worried about our nations.
That’s nonsense.
The whole world needs love on their side.
Nothing gets accomplished when there is so much hate and pride.
So please when you go out, make someone smile.
It may be small but it’ll make their day worth while.
The world has never seen so much hate.
Is spreading love going to much out of the way?
Is it that hard to show that you care?
Tomorrow, the people you know may not even be there.
So get off your lazy high horse.
You’re no better than anyone.
If love was your only source,
this war of hatred would never have begun.
I’m not asking for very much.
Just please do everything you do in love.

              

Rachel Hopes

Everyone Deserves Love

Girls have a hard time wrapping their head around the idea of a good man.
They think guys should be perfect but the truth is no man can.
Jesus was the only perfect one who walked the face of the earth.
He was perfection and purely innocence since birth.
So come on how are we suppose to compare them to that?
Even the holiest of saints couldn’t manage that.
So when you get a good guy, don’t let him go.
Cause darling, you’re not perfect you know.

You can be good, and not be perfect.
You can sin, and still be worth it.
Don’t ever think a person doesn’t deserve love.
Cause a long time ago a man gave up his life because he loved you so much.
We have all came short to the glory of God.
Hate should not even be a thought.
So if a Godly man comes your way, don’t shut him out.
Everyone sins; Everyone needs forgiveness. You know what I’m talking about.

Girls might be afraid that they’ll end up getting used.
They have to realize that not everyone wants to leave them abused.
We were told to be silent, we were told to bite our tongue.
We’re so quick to rebel against that, but we can’t even show God’s love.
You can make a stand.
You can fight.
Blood doesn’t have to be shed.
Violence doesn’t make it right.
Disagreements will occur. That’s a matter of fact.
But everyone needs love, and there’s no changing that.

Rachel Hopes